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I wanted Becky to keep the baby because I wanted it, not because it was the right thing for her to do. It wasn’t the first time I was selfish, either, I realized. I wanted what I wanted, and I wanted it when I wanted it and how I wanted it.Shit! I was just like my mom in that way. Jennifer had pointed out that I had been conditioned by her to be the way I was — needing approval from others, needing to be controlled, and being selfish. Now that I had recognized it, I could start to deal with it. It reminded me of the process that Doctor Mercer had used to draw me out of my depression over Birgit. This time, I was going to try to skip the anger part.My quest for self-discovery had to start with figuring out what made me act and think the way I did. Joyce had pushed me on that, and I owed her a huge debt of gratitude for pushing me hard. Of course, Melanie, Jennifer and Stephanie were pushing me as well. And I could feel Birgit, her essence, her memories, a presence that I could still. When necessary, we can cover up with a feather filled duvet. We wasted little time when we arrived after an hour’s journey from the city. We began to take off our clothes as we passed through our quaint lounge room fitted out with nineteenth century homestead furniture including a comfortable, heavy, soft sofa. On our comfy bed we lie naked. The night was humid and a cooling breeze passes over us through the open windows. The slight chill causes your nipples to become erect and inviting. Nature created a Stravinsky type composition arousing our passions. Although just past dusk, birds joined in the chorus with other tiny animals just outside our window. Together, with our heavy breathing, we create a musical masterpiece to complement our sexual intent. We lie there hugging and kissing. Our memories stray to our first passionate moments many years before; however, unlike then, we now have the freedom to be alone together, naked, away from possible interruption by parents and other.
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